Who, Me?!

Today I woke up feeling ...in German, I would say "unrund". Simply out of kilter, unmotivated, blah.
The past few days have been, considering what our usual social life involves (i.e. yawning emptiness!), very full indeed: an overnight guest on Wednesday night, Thursday my fitness time with the girls in the morning and a family birthday celebration here in the evening, Friday night dinner and, as it turns out, rather a lot of drinks at the house of friends. Three late nights in a row; maybe my blahs were due to social exhaustion. Maybe because I'd enjoyed myself and there is no more socializing coming up any time soon. But I am thinking more of it has to do with what happened Friday morning, as a result of which my brain has gone into overload.
I think most people I know here have not quite realized that my divorce plus the financial disaster at VG has meant that I no longer have a job, employment, a regular income, MONEY; and that I am not supported financially by my ex. Since September 1st I have, for the first time in my life, been drawing unemployment benefits. This will pay our rent for 6 months and will then be re-evaluated, always assuming I have not found a job by then, which I am not expecting to do. Part of the agreement to draw unemployment is cooperating with AMS, the organization which evaluates one's situation and is sort of a clearing house for placement.
The first interview I had with AMS back in July, knowing my work relationship with VG would be coming to an official close at the end of August, was not very encouraging. But the second one, with a different woman after I had filled out all the many forms required, was much more pleasant. I still didn't expect any cash but hoped they would see their way clear to at least paying my health insurance. Imagine my glad surprise when I found they will pay enough to cover the rent!
My employment record here is unfortunately not very reflective of reality. As a church-planting missionary mommy, for the first 15 years of my 30 years here I basically worked full-time without pay. That's just what parents do, whether of natural or of spiritual children. The second church P & I had planted (which became VG) began after their first couple of years supporting us to the degree they could afford, but that paycheck was in P's name, not mine. We lived from that (which was never enough for a family of 4) and from what my father gave us each year as a sort of down payment on my inheritance. But I did not appear in Austrian records as being employed. And I have no retirement fund.
Later VG decided it would be good to make me more official, so in order to save the church money they hired me as a freelance worker, which meant I was not actually employed by them but presented invoices for my services each month. Anyway, to make a long story short I was not actually employed until the last few years of my sojourn with them -- years when I did far less within VG than I ever had before and much more outside the church, as "Minister At Large".
Not surprisingly, it now turns out that being a 54-year-old woman with a spotty employment record I fall into the "hard-to-place" category. My second advisor at AMS recommended a program to me with which I am currently engaged. This is called, appallingly, "Stop&Go" and is specially designed for hard-to-place unemployed over-45s. (Sigh. I do wish Europeans without a masterly command of nuance within the English language would stop trying to be chic by randomly choosing English monikers which end up sounding inappropriate and/or ridiculous!)
Stop&Go tries in 6-8 weeks to help people, especially those who have been unemployed for a year or longer, to re-orient their careers and find out what else they might be suited for. I've had an initial orientation class and taken a battery of psychological tests. Much of it was fairly familiar ground to me, having taken such things many times over the years in various contexts. One part of the test, though, seemed to me to be geared toward middle-aged mildly alcoholic men who'd been unemployed a long time and had anger management issues. I'm a freshly unemployed (technically, though I haven't "worked" in the classic sense for some time) woman without the other issues so got a little impatient with that bit! I've also seen Frau M, the psychologist assigned to me, twice now. This second time was on Friday morning, after she got the results of the tests I took on Wednesday.
The first thing I noticed was that Frau M seemed more relaxed with me this time, more as if she were treating me almost like a peer (we are not too far apart in age, I think) than a "case". Our initial chat was warm, and she actually seemed interested. When we got down to the nitty-gritty of the test results, it turns out I tested out far more balanced than I thought I would. It seems clear that, though I have not yet fully recovered from the emotional blows of the past few years and that is reflected, on the whole I am fit, balanced and once I get back up to speed will be a desirable employee. We did a little brainstorming about what, if one left aside such trifling considerations such as who would ever pay me to do it, I would simply love to do. What have I enjoyed before? I waxed eloquent on a few attractive ideas which, as far as I know, are not remunerable.
And then Frau M dropped the bomb. She handed me a paper and said she would like, when my time with Stop&Go is over, to recommend a further program to me. This one goes for 12 weeks with the possibility of extending another 12 (which means my rent and health insurance would be paid the whole time I was attending it) and is in the field of ... management training.
I tried not to look too put off. I had never considered myself organizational management material, and can't imagine myself in such a role, particularly in Austrian business society. But frankly (and mercenarily) I could really use the unemployment money for the remaining months, however many they end up being, that we live in Austria. So I tried to look interested. Frau M acted very matter-of-fact about it and seemed to assume I'd naturally known that I was management material. I thought about this all the way home, and then some.
When I talked to A about what she had recommended, his first reaction was, "Well, DUH." Seeing my blank expression, he proceeded to explain to me that leadership skills and organizational skills were not the same thing, that I clearly have the gift of what he calls "Ruler" which has been inaccurately confused with the ability to organize, but is actually the unction to lead in a way that others want to, and generally do, follow.
And I began reflecting on what I have actually spent the last 30 years doing.
Hmmmm.
Damn... I think Frau M is probably right.
What do I do now?!