My ex is re-marrying (finally) in May.
I found out about it on facebook; his fiancée announced it subtly. Then I checked with my kids, who confirmed it. Then I got an email from P himself, informing me personally (and explaining why he wouldn't be inviting us, giving much the same reasons I'd had for not inviting him to mine).
Several people have asked me, "How does that make you feel?" and my response has been "It's a relief, actually; he's finally doing what he left me and his old life in order to do." It really does feel like a kind of closure. And I'm glad it will occur before I leave Austria. P has chosen to live out his life here, and I choose it elsewhere. Close this book and start a new one.
In a strange twist of fate, my ex is getting married in Graz (ironically, in the same hall A & I used!) on the very same day my spiritual advisor is getting married in California: one man who drove me crazy and another man who kept me sane. In the last months of my marriage to P, D was the one to whom I could pour out my heart, bring my questions and doubts, frustrations and fears. I was continually describing the situation, asking "Am I crazy?" and he continually affirmed no, you are not crazy. Yes, what you are experiencing and how you interpret it is true, although it is only part of the truth. Yes, no matter the outcome, you will survive, and even thrive.
I really don't know how I would have survived, though, without his life-giving advice, prayers, friendship and mentoring throughout the toughest period of my life. Thank you, D, with all my heart.
I have known D maybe 12 years now. I met him within 6 months of his first wife's death by cancer. Whenever he's visited over the years, we've had rich times together. D is a deeply spiritual man without losing any of his masculinity; sort of a long and lean Christian Marlboro Man. He has great wisdom and much experience, coupled with a good sense of humor and proportion. (Plus, he is always ready for a good glass of red wine!) In other words, he is precisely what I needed in crisis. And he was the only one A & I could imagine officiating at our own marriage ceremony.
So here we have come full circle: D has been an essential part of my New Start, and now I get to share in his. No, we won't be going to CA for the wedding, but he and his new wife B will be traveling to Paris for their honeymoon (B is, not to put too fine a point on it, loaded) and there, they will hold a reception A and I will definitely attend.
Paris in the spring? You bet! I have friends who have nagged me for some time to come to Paris and visit so I think housing will be affordable. It will likely be our only holiday to speak of this year, since our energy and money will go into moving to another country.
And I see a kindness of God in all this, too. In case the thought of my ex marrying the young woman he left our marriage for should ever twinge a bit, I now have something else to remember on that very date, something I can unreservedly celebrate and be glad in.
I genuinely wish them all joy in their new lives together.
