A friend of mine invited me to join her for a spa day last Monday. It included one of the best massages I’ve ever had. Though it was advertised as a back and shoulder massage (including facial), which often can be pretty minimal, this young woman really did it right. The room was warm and semi-darkened, tinkly music played softly in the background, aromatic oils perfumed the air, and the massage bed was covered in thick cushy blankets and very comfortable. Even the spot to put your face through was nicely padded and fit my head well.
After I was nude and under the fluffy blankets, the masseuse asked me how I like my massage: light, medium, firm? I replied that I would yell if she hurt me but otherwise I’d take all the pummeling she could offer (I like my muscles properly kneaded)-- and after warming me up, she did! It was pure heaven; and she massaged not only my full back right down to the top of my bum, but my neck up to the hairline, arms, hands and fingers, and the front of my shoulders too. Then she proceeded to do much the same thing (though gentler) to my face and neck, slathering me all the while with delicious-smelling and -feeling unguents.
As I lay there, my eyes closed, limply being pampered, I realized how completely and utterly relaxed I was whilst having my bare body manipulated by a person who was a complete stranger to me. I mean, really, the only other time I feel touch on my bare skin is when I am intimate with my husband! So why didn’t this bother me in the least?
Because this woman is a professional; and besides that, had quickly clearly shown she knew what she was doing. It never occurred to me to worry that she might be, for example, a lesbian looking for more than massage. It goes without saying that one should never have to worry that one’s doctor, dentist, masseuse or physical therapist will abuse their profession by having sexual thoughts, ogling your body, making overtures or entendres or, God forbid, touching you inappropriately during treatment.
And then it suddenly hit me that I was really, really angry that X had done precisely that when she was P’s physical therapist. I thought I’d done all the forgiving necessary, but I’d never realized the blinking obvious: that X actually abused the patient/therapist relationship when she flirted with my ex-husband, a clearly married man, while her hands roamed his bare skin in the course of prescribed treatment. (No wonder he signed up for more --very expensive-- treatments after his prescribed course was over!)
Of course I am not blaming X for everything. P clearly had to respond-- and respond he did. But she did give him something to respond to that he couldn’t have seen coming, and shouldn’t have had to worry about in that context. She got under his defenses when he was injured, had lost some self-confidence, and was in a vulnerable position. In a very real sense, she got under his skin. X acted highly unprofessionally and abused her position of trust as a physical therapist. And realizing that so clearly made me really, really furious.
I realize I am particularly upset because it was precisely this sort of abuse that we had to deal with a few times in the course of pastoring for over 20 years, and P was always especially angry with those people in our care who abused a position of authority or trust. Yet when it happened to him, he couldn’t see it at all and he consistently defended X if anyone questioned how their relationship came about.
Well, I know what to do now, I know the ropes of forgiveness. But I had to vent and get it out here in writing so I can deal with it appropriately. I suppose things like this will still come up periodically, even though it’s been six years now, and even though I have made every effort to deal with all that I know. Funny what can trigger a deeper level of knowledge --and response.
It was still a great massage experience, though!
