This is what I miss about hands-on ministry: knowing that, in this moment, for this person's life, I am consciously and actively working together with our loving Daddy to make a positive difference. That sense of fulfillment is not easily found anywhere else.
Not the "ministry buzz", not being onstage, not the seemingly inescapable respect shown anyone who is, but rather the quiet knowledge that Holy Spirit and I have a job to do and we love doing it together, right here, right now. The awareness that prayer is efficacious and that the one being ministered to is benefiting; even if I cannot see or feel that in the moment, I have learned that every prayer does something positive. Every prayer.
A and I have a friend who is battling cancer. She goes for chemotherapy every two weeks, and she comes to us for "alternative therapy" (prayer) in the same week. We spend as much time as we need to, just letting her relax and "soaking her" in blessing and healing prayer. Since losing my old life and all its ministerial trappings, I've rarely had the opportunity for this, and I am finding I'm loving every moment of it. Sensitivities that had been somewhat hammered into dormancy by the repeated heavy events of the past few years are stirring, coming to life again: sitting up, sniffing the air, looking about with bright and curious eyes. My spirit is coming back to life. That's what giving out does for me.
I did this sort of private ministry for many, many years in a hidden sense before I ever stood on a stage and taught others to do it. It doesn't matter to me now if I am ever visible again, or not; what matters is this awareness that I am useful for the Kingdom, that because I am partnering with Holy Spirit to get Dad's will done on earth as it is in Heaven, this earth can become, for the few lives I am able to touch in my short lifetime, a marginally improved place.
Isn't that what it's all about, really? Bringing God's Kingdom of peace, health, life, shalom-- all as it should be. Different types of people will do it in differing ways, according to how they are made, according to their particular passion: improving water facilities for poor villages, teaching illiterates to read and write, adopting children-- whatever. It is all Kingdom activity. It is all about bringing the nature and character of the realm where Dad lives and rules into our poor, dark substitutes and watching Light change our surroundings.
My way is not better than your way or vice versa. And when I stand --or rather, stood-- on stages encouraging others into this way of life, it's actually no different than when I casually pray for a neighbor with backache (and also, of course, help her carry her groceries). But I have to say that what feeds and satisfies my own spirit the most is laying my hands on another human being, for a short time having the honor of seeing them through Dad's loving eyes, and along with my friend and partner Holy Spirit speaking life into them spirit, soul and body.
And I don't need a church building or a special healing meeting or a conference to do that; I just need an outlet. Someone in need, who wants what I can offer; someone who can benefit from words of life, from loving touch, from caring.
Can't we all?
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