Rant Of A Foodie

Dear friends of all dietary persuasions,

If you happen to be vegetarian, vegan, gluten/lactose/sucrose intolerant, or simply choose to follow the latest fads of grain-free, paleo, organic-only or whatever it is this month/year, please listen to -- and forgive-- my rant.

All of the above, whether by personal health choice, moral persuasion, or medical condition, are restricted diets. That means: of the vast array of ingestible substances known to mankind, you have decided it is best for you not to eat some of them. In this sense, if unrestricted access to all foodstuffs is considered "normal", you eat an "abnormal" diet. Can we be agreed on this?

That is, of course, your free choice-- or, in the case of those who are genuinely allergic to or physically intolerant of a certain food, a medical necessity, and I stand by your right to make that personal choice. We all choose whether or not we even want to try eating, say, fermented Korean Kimchi or roasted grubs (both delicacies in certain cultures).

However, I would like to remind you, my fellow privileged friends (because really, only those of us in the affluent West can afford to be this choosy about the foods we eat), that this is a personal lifestyle choice, not a universally applicable moral imperative. My apologies to those of my friends who are aware of this and do not force their food convictions on all comers.

Those of us who, thankfully, experience no dietary restrictions do not need your lecture about the evils of refined sugars as we try to enjoy our one cupcake of the week. We don’t need you to throw up your hands in horror when we order a steak at a restaurant. We are embarrassed for you when you drop such comments as “I didn’t know anybody ate that any more” or “Ugh--- flesh!” or “Haven’t you read the latest studies that prove X+Y=current dietary fad?”

Please understand that your dietary choices are your choices, and are valid for you for all the reasons you made them. But please grant the rest of us that freedom, too. We do not need to be educated by you on the evils of what we choose to put into our bodies. The Internet will do that daily, whether we want it to or not. And, as in the case of several foodstuffs I years ago refused to give up in favor of chemically-laden, “better-for-you” substitutes, often fashion will eventually come around to our side again and scientists will fall all over themselves disproving their previous claims.

I do understand there are genuine medical conditions which require dietary restriction, and have great sympathy for that. I spent many years married to a severe hypoglycemic with other food allergies as well. I cooked some crazy things in those years! I know what can happen when you genuinely cannot tolerate, say, butter, and someone neglects to inform you there is butter in the sauce they serve, even when you asked (asthma attack in the night). In this case, perhaps it would be wisest (and kindest) to sometimes, as in the case of a barbecue, consider bringing your own special food, rather than require that everyone around you bend to your special needs. And I understand that’s a pain in the rear.

But I don’t believe you want to be known as a pain in the rear, either. So please: I beg you to stop preaching at the rest of us, making universally applicable what you believe to be true for yourself in dietary matters. For example, “Cow milk is for baby cows, not for humans!” I hear you cry. Well, the vast majority of humans have been doing very well on it for countless centuries, so I think I will keep right on enjoying my milk, cheese, cream and butter (in moderation, of course *wink*) unless my body, or my personal physician, tells me otherwise.

I, like most of you reading this, have the great privilege of living in the affluent West, where I have access to foodstuffs from across the world; where I can buy cheap and processed or expensive and organic, or somewhere in the vast array in between; where I have lots of choices, every day. I happen to be one of those in the majority who may enjoy an unrestricted (i.e., normal) diet. I am aware of my blessing, and intend to enjoy it. I am happy to accommodate your dietary needs, but please forgive me if I have a little less sympathy for your unrequired choices, and no patience with your wholesale judgement of any other choice.

“Eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow we die.” You may believe that your food choices entitle you to a great deal more tomorrows than mine do-- well, bully for you! If it is still a concern for you then, we can discuss the merits of these convictions on the other side. Until such a time, let’s bless each other in our various choices and allow each other to make them freely.

Well. Rant over. I think it’s time for a glass of wine (oh! Alcohol!), some crackers (grains!!) and a bit of aged cheese (milk products! She’s gonna DIE!).

Well, so are we all. It’s just possible I might enjoy the journey a bit more than some of my friends may. :D